It's an IM epidemic.
My eight-year-old sister Lyndsey just got Instant Messenger. I remember the day I got Instant Messenger. I was 13 and I think Al Gore had just invented the Internet. I remember my dad leaning over me, trying to help me come up with a screenname. For about 2 hours, I think I was x mikie217 x, which was in deference to my favorite basketball player, Michael Jordan, and my birthday. I'm not sure what the x's were for, as they were Dad's addition, but I think it's probably good I didn't stick with that because it kind of sounds like a porn star's e-mail address.
But I digress.
I talked to Lyndsey for the first time on IM yesterday, and this is how it went --
On losing a tooth --
Lynds: I pulled my tooth out and it wasn't ready yet.
Lynds: hahahahaha
Lynds: that funny
Me: Oh no! Which one?
Lynds: doyou know the one by my right big one
Lynds: you get it
Lynds: or not
Only an eight-year-old can find that so hysterical. Or attempt to accurately describe the location of her missing tooth by saying 'by my right big one.'
Talking about my dad --
Lynds: he slipped on the ice
Lynds: i thought he was heart
Heart. Not hurt - HEART. This is adorable and melts my HURT.
On finally getting a screen name --
Lynds: i told myranda about this instant messenger
Me: you did? uh oh
Me: you two will be on talking to each other all the time!
Lynds: ya
Lynds: i hope
Lynds: really do
Me: it's fun, isn't it?
Lynds: ya so fun espshley that sometimes i inoie amy
Lynds: i'v got to go
Lynds: i have to go to bed
Lynds: bye\
'I told Myranda about this here new-fangled instant messenger contraption. And I'll be talking to her all the time - I hope. I really do! Hope, that is!' And how adorable are "espshley" (note the similiarity to my name) and "inoie"? I don't think I've ever had a longer "AWWW" in my entire life. I think it's important to make an editor's note here by saying that in no way do I condone or promote errant spelling. The only time it is ever acceptable is if you meet every single one of these criterion - You must be 8 years old. You must be my sister. You must look like Cindy Loo-Who. You must have straight golden brown hair with a hidden mop of unruly curls in the back underneath it all. When you come down to breakfast in the morning, my father must ask you how your midnight motorcycle ride was - because your hair is just that crazy. Speaking of my father, he also must sing 'Leroy Brown' to you, making pointed reference to the line 'meaner than a junkyard dog', because sometimes you seem like it. You're a tomboy and I'm pretty sure you could rival a few junkyard dogs, but you also give the best hugs in the world, and you DO further distance yourself from rabid Dobermans by that Cindy Crawford-style freckle right by your button nose.
If you meet this criteria (EVERY. SINGLE. ONE.), by all means - misspell away. I will love you. I suppose I will even love you if you have blond hair instead, but still fit under the 'meaner than a junkyard dog' category, and are a little shorter and a lot sassier - and even if you do scrawl "Lyndsey is a poop stain" on the front of your Olive Garden menu with a green crayon. It will be a lot harder and I may have to squeeze my eyes shut and count to ten backwards in Spanish, but I'll still love you. Or at least let you ride home with us - even if it is in the trunk.
In other news, my older brother, Brian, called me on my way back to school Sunday, to wish me a happy birthday. My state trooper brother said that he was on patrol on Friday night when he pulled someone over. As he was sitting in his car writing them a warning, he happened to glance at the clock to see it was midnight - my birthday! He continued writing the ticket and when he had finished the address, he looked up and realized that because he was thinking of me, he had accidentally written my name in place of the offender's. This, of course, begs the question of what the warning was for in the first place. "Speeding," he said. "That's entirely plausible," I replied.